Nathan Pierpont

A Day in the Life of an Encourager

On Thursday morning last week, I had the opportunity to gather with other pastors from the Southwest region of our fellowship. It was a great opportunity to get better acquainted. It also served as a reminder that pastors like myself are regular guys with common life circumstances. I really appreciated the chance to have conversations with most of the men who were there that day. The church that hosted us provided a delicious lunch, and the fellowship was as sweet as the cherry dessert.

Our display location ended up being right next to the display for a classical Christian school. I was thrilled to discover that Bob Davis, of Libertas Christian School, had actually been baptized at First Baptist Church in Wayland, MI, by my dad, Kenneth F. Pierpont, when he was a church planter in the mid-1960s, a couple of years before I was born. Shepherd’s Friend is largely inspired by my dad’s ministry of encouragement to other men over his 60 years in pastoral ministry, so it was gratifying to connect with someone who still remembered my dad’s impact on them so long ago. He did not serve in that position very long. After serving in Vietnam as an Army Chaplain, Dad went on to have a ministry assisting churches that we might refer to as a revitalization. He retired from full-time pastoral ministry at the age of 85, one week before the COVID pandemic broke out. Meeting Bob Davis, who was impacted positively by my dad when he was a young, inexperienced pastor, was encouraging to me.

I am grateful to the Lord for the many connections we have made in the last seven days. Every day this week seemed to present another opportunity to encourage someone else in ministry. Even today, I was contacted by someone requesting a follow-up with another pastor who would appreciate some encouragement.

If this past week is any indication of what my days will be like with Shepherd’s Friend, we are in for quite a ride. I ask for prayer for me, for Jennifer, for our Board of Directors, and for ministry partners to join our efforts to encourage others in ministry.

Filipino Shepherds

BLOG

Yesterday, we said goodbye to the pastors who attended the Biblical Counseling training conference organized for Bethesda Academy, which Northeastern Baptist Church helped sponsor at the Rizal Re-Creation Center. The theme was “Equipping the Saints to Equip the Saints.” It was such a blessing to partner with Allyn VanDyk from NBC and John Lehman from Words Fitly Spoken as we shared the last three days with a great group of pastors and their wives.

My wife, Jennifer, participated with me in a joint session titled “Counseling Parents of Wayward Children.” She also taught a ladies-only session called “The Unflustered Pastor’s Wife.” My other contributions addressed idols of the heart, data gathering, assigning homework, and thinking Biblically about forgiveness.

Allyn did an excellent job with the opening session, “Why Biblical Counseling,” and hit it out of the park with a challenging closing workshop on “The Unhurried Pastor.”

Dr. Lehman led a two-session marriage workshop, conducted two role-plays with my wife and me, and taught a foundational session on “Seven Keys to Biblical Counseling” (Or “The Seven I’s of Biblical Counseling”). Our fellowship with these faithful ministry couples was rich and rewarding. We sang at the top of our lungs, and laughed and ate together.

For me, launching Shepherd’s Friend will take up my moonlighting hours for the foreseeable future, but it was hard to imagine that the Lord wouldn’t somehow make a reunion possible this side of Glory.

We give praise and thanksgiving to God for a long series of answered prayers that made this conference a reality. Allyn amazingly had a Kurzweil Keyboard there for me to play for our worship segments. That was so much fun!

Use of Icebreakers in Small Groups

BLOG

WHY NOT SKIP THE ICEBREAKER?

If you fear that using an icebreaker question would be a waste of time for your small group, please consider that the most experienced small group trainers are strong proponents of using icebreakers. I have found that skipping the icebreaker question and jumping right into the study questions leads to wasted time later because people will hesitate to engage in discussion. Icebreakers help each member feel they are known and accepted as part of the group. You will always have “talkers,” who can make it seem that discussion is going well, but how often are less talkative members engaging in discussion?

WHAT MAKES A GOOD ICEBREAKER?

For a question to encourage free conversation among all individuals in the group, it needs to be easy to answer. It should require a full sentence answer. A question that has a specific, “correct” answer or a question that can be answered with a “yes” or a “no” is not an icebreaker question. Great icebreaker questions will encourage participants to share something about themselves and create involvement with other participants, such as when people discover they have something in common with one another.

HOW LONG SHOULD AN ICEBREAKER TAKE?

For an established group, a good goal is about one minute per person. First meetings may require twenty-five minutes to break the ice. Experienced small group trainers typically say that if your group is newly formed or has taken on new members, more time should be taken for the icebreaker. After all, the “get-acquainted” phase is the early growth in the life of a small group. As each person feels known and cared for, there will be a payoff for taking time for the icebreaker. When everyone is more likely to engage in discussion, share prayer requests, and risk being vulnerable, you will find that the investment was worth it. A helpful tip is to suggest how long an answer should be. Tell the group that the activity has a time limit. Ask individuals to answer the question in one or two sentences or 30 seconds or less. Answer the question yourself and give an example of how brief or detailed answers should be. Start with the less talkative person and move around the circle to hear from the rest of the group.

WHAT IF THE ICEBREAKER DOESN’T SEEM TO HELP?

We use icebreakers to train our people that it’s okay to talk, and we want to hear from everyone. Here are some tips to help you get the most out of a get-acquainted activity or question.

Your group may be too large to do an icebreaker together. Divide your group of 12 into 2 groups of 6 or even 6 groups of 2. Eventually, people will start talking. (Even two introverts) You may need to divide into smaller groups for your study questions as well, until everyone is participating.
Does seating permit each person to make eye contact with everyone else in the group? Sit in a circle. Avoid three on a couch.
The facilitator or another group leader can usually answer the discussion questions first to provide an example and “prime the pump.”
Feel free to refine the question and adjust the wording on the spot to make sure everyone understands the question and what is being asked of them.
Have fun. Don’t be too serious getting started. Lighten the atmosphere with warm greetings, kind words, and good humor.
Be courteous and show each member respect. Avoid embarrassing others. Don’t roast each other. (Teasing may seem to lighten the atmosphere, but could be having the opposite effect.)
Bring a drink and after you ask a question, take a long sip. This will communicate that it is someone else’s turn to talk, and you are content to wait for them to speak.
Consider rephrasing the question and trying again, or waiting longer for a response. People sometimes need time to think of how they want to respond. They may be just about to answer when you grow impatient and move on.
Direct the question to specific individuals and work your way through the whole group.
Ask people to write their answer on a piece of paper and turn it in to be read. Read the responses and acknowledge individuals for their contribution.
Always try to affirm their answer or thank them for contributing. Never make fun of someone’s answer. Avoid making someone feel they answered incorrectly. If they misunderstood, take responsibility for making it clearer. Keep trying. Good discussion is where we do many of the “one another” commands of scripture.

LEVEL UP

If no one in your group is new and all group members typically enter into discussion, consider using a LEVEL TWO question. For example, if your study and discussion will be about forgiveness, a LEVEL TWO icebreaker might be… “Tell about a time you had to ask for forgiveness.” Or “What kinds of offenses do you find most difficult to forgive?” Be cautious not to encourage gossip or slander. LEVEL TWO icebreakers can help a group discussion go deep quickly. WARNING: LEVEL TWO icebreaker questions are for groups where everyone already feels known and loved.

Report on Philippines 2025

BLOG

One of my favorite quotes from C. S. Lewis’ book, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe is when Mr Beaver announces that “Aslan is on the move.” Aslan is the name of the Lion and represented a type of Jesus. When Mr Beaver declares that the Lion has begun to take decisive action, the story pivots with hope and anticipation of what that action might entail. This quote came to mind several times as we began to anticipate what the Lord was doing with our humble attempt to offer friendship and encouragement to fellow pastors in the Philippines.

Just a few weeks ago Jennifer and I returned from our short-term mission trip. Our ministry companions were Allyn and Emmy VanDyk. We were privileged to return with Emmy to her homeland, meet her family, and serve sister churches in Filinvest and Sto Tomas (Bethesda Bible Baptist Church) where Allyn has been asked to speak on numerous occassions. For Jennifer and me it was our first visit, but it didn’t take long to see that the Lord was up to something that we are excited to be a part of.

This is a video of our report to our church, Northeastern Baptist Church, (nbckz.com) upon our return. Please pray with us as we anticipate a return trip in February of 2026 to meet with pastors and their wives in the Philippines to provide the training in biblical counseling we offered when we were with them this February.

What’s That in Your Hand?

BLOG

When Moses was reluctant to be an instrument in God’s hand, God asked him what he had in his hand. I want to ask you a similar question regarding your church’s music ministry: Who do you have?

For seven years, I traveled all over Ohio and parts of four other states, performing sacred concerts as a solo musician. When I arrived at a church, I would set up my sound system and do my program. However, when I accepted a position as a worship pastor many years ago at NBC, I understood that my role would no longer be a solo act. My new role was to help the musicians in my church find opportunities to participate in corporate worship.

One of the first musicians I welcomed was Clyde, an older member of our church who played the French horn. I often wondered what people thought of the combination of piano, organ, and horn. At times, I noticed Clyde would latch onto a particular note and play it with great force. Thankfully, our congregational singing was strong, and the choir served as the worship team, so I suppose Clyde’s playing fit in well enough with all those sounds. However, that’s only part of the story.

Inviting Clyde to play with us, despite the less-than-ideal mix, had an unexpected benefit. His presence signaled to others that the new worship leader was open to contributions from various musicians. At times, I feel our approach to forming the worship team resembles the story of “Stone Soup.”

We started humbly, but over time, more people came forward willing to join us with their instruments. Each time I ordered more music stands, we gained more members. It felt almost like a “Field of Dreams” story—every time I placed an order for more music stands, more musicians joined us. We now have an abundance of music stands.

Before long, we gained two trumpet players, a trombone player, a tuba player, a clarinet player, and a violinist. Shortly after that, the Lord blessed us with a flute and a saxophone. Over the years, we have also added bass, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, strings, keyboards, and various percussion instruments. The best part is that some of these musicians have become my dearest friends, and they continue to help me lead worship to this day.

When I first arrived at the church, one trombone player was still in high school. He was unpretentious and direct. At the time, I wasn’t sure how to interpret his straightforward nature, and I honestly doubted whether he would continue attending church after graduating. However, I misjudged him. He has served in various roles within our church since then and is now a public school teacher. For the past twenty-two years, he has graciously tolerated my quirks almost every Sunday and often comes to my aid with timely reminders or clarifications when I forget something.

These musicians feel like family to me. When I lead music at another church, retreat, or conference, I miss having them by my side. During those occasions, I wish they could travel with me. We are a team, and I truly believe we are better together.

I shudder to think of what we would have missed if I had come in with a preconceived idea of what I wanted to do or if I had been a slave to what others wanted. It has been my commitment to give well-intentioned church musicians the opportunity to join the team. It’s my job to set them up for success.

To effectively grow a music ministry, it’s important to engage the Christian musicians in your church according to their abilities. Assign simpler parts to those who are less experienced, and give more significant roles to those who are particularly talented, ensuring that everyone is treated with dignity and recognized as a valuable member of the team. This approach is grounded in the belief that the work ultimately belongs to the Lord, who supernaturally provides the church with everything it needs.

**BONUS: Three Related Ideas for Developing a Team of Musicians.**

1. **Honoring Faithfulness:**

Scripture teaches that if you are faithful in little things, you will be entrusted with greater responsibilities. Those who demonstrate faithfulness deserve to be honored. When a musician recognizes the importance of their service, arrives on time, and consistently commits to their role, I truly respect their investment of time. I have learned to pay special attention to their input.

2. **Listening to Input from Team Members:**

It’s important for your church to consider suggestions from your team. If you believe that each person is a gift from God to your local community of believers, you have a responsibility to Christ to include everyone’s contributions. The suggestions from my fellow musicians have been essential to our success.

3. **Don’t Use People to Grow Your Program:**

Use your program to build people. A leader’s role is not to impose their own agenda or a rigid definition of success. Instead, it is to harness their skills to empower other musicians, setting them up to shine and achieve their fullest potential.

I think what I want to write about next will be a few things I’ve learned about facilitating a small group.

What Was I Thinking?

BLOG

Do you sometimes do something that contradicts your core values and undermines the very things in which you have invested much of your time, money, and energy? In moments like that you might ask yourself, “What was I thinking?”

You love your family. You want them to enjoy a peaceful home. You hope to provide an example for them to follow, and you would like them to look up to you. But, in a moment of offense, you slam a door, speak harshly, or even throw things. These irrational behaviors are telling you something helpful if you want to listen.

Do you remember the last few incidents in which you acted out irrationally? Can you identify a pattern? Are the people you say you love walking on eggshells around you because you are known for becoming defensive, stomping off, sulking, or becoming sarcastic? Maybe you erupt into a monologue that your wife or children are helpless to escape. You give a speech to your captive audience to convince them that you are a great guy, and would be even better if it wasn’t for them and what they are doing to trigger you. You attempt to explain your behavior by accusing them of pushing you too far.

If you could be convinced that the problem is in you and can be fixed, would you listen to someone tell you how to change?

There is hope. I know because I am in the change process too. I found something that helps me stop reaching for those old worn-out responses that ultimately hurt the ones I love.

I can’t give six weeks of counseling in one post, but I can tell you that you lie to yourself more than anyone has ever lied to you. The messages you repeat to your mind are the thinking that precedes your choices. Until you identify the lies you are telling yourself, you are prone to return to one form or another of those destructive, irrational behaviors, and failing to identify those lies will cost you. It may cost you quite a lot.

A man who believes he deserves respect and cannot live without it may find himself demanding, angry, and lonely, venting on social media after losing his friends, being pushed out of his job, and being ignored by his family.

If you are ready to identify the lies you have been telling yourself, here’s a starting point.

Pray this from Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”

Read your Bible. As you discover the truth in the Scripture, ask God to help you identify the lies you have been believing.

You may feel like you don’t have anyone you can talk to, but you could reach out to me, or another biblical counselor, who is trained to help you identify those lies and replace them with truth.

Wouldn’t it be liberating for those disappointing moments to decrease in frequency and severity?

Stick around for another post, and I’ll try to write something short about another sneaky problem—our worship problem.

Nathan Pierpont

More Content