Do you sometimes do something that contradicts your core values and undermines the very things in which you have invested much of your time, money, and energy? In moments like that you might ask yourself, “What was I thinking?”
You love your family. You want them to enjoy a peaceful home. You hope to provide an example for them to follow, and you would like them to look up to you. But, in a moment of offense, you slam a door, speak harshly, or even throw things. These irrational behaviors are telling you something helpful if you want to listen.
Do you remember the last few incidents in which you acted out irrationally? Can you identify a pattern? Are the people you say you love walking on eggshells around you because you are known for becoming defensive, stomping off, sulking, or becoming sarcastic? Maybe you erupt into a monologue that your wife or children are helpless to escape. You give a speech to your captive audience to convince them that you are a great guy, and would be even better if it wasn’t for them and what they are doing to trigger you. You attempt to explain your behavior by accusing them of pushing you too far.
If you could be convinced that the problem is in you and can be fixed, would you listen to someone tell you how to change?
There is hope. I know because I am in the change process too. I found something that helps me stop reaching for those old worn-out responses that ultimately hurt the ones I love.
I can’t give six weeks of counseling in one post, but I can tell you that you lie to yourself more than anyone has ever lied to you. The messages you repeat to your mind are the mantra that has you making a fool of yourself. Until you identify the lies you are telling yourself, you are prone to return to one form or another of those destructive, irrational behaviors, and failing to identify those lies will cost you. It may cost you quite a lot.
A man who believes he deserves respect and cannot live without it may find himself demanding, angry, and lonely, venting on social media after losing his friends, being pushed out of his job, and being ignored by his family.
If you are ready to identify the lies you have been telling yourself, here’s a starting point.
Pray this from Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way in me, And lead me in the everlasting way.”
Read your Bible. As you discover the truth in the Scripture, ask God to help you identify the lies you have been believing.
You may feel like you don’t have anyone you can talk to, but you could reach out to me, or another biblical counselor, who is trained to help you identify those lies and replace them with truth.
Wouldn’t it be liberating for those disappointing moments to decrease in frequency and severity?
Stick around for another post, and I’ll try to write something short about another sneaky problem—our worship problem.